Addicted to gay sex

He could be a gay or bisexual man who is a sex addict or he could be a straight man whose acting out behavior scenario is with gay men. You could say that in some situations addiction trumps orientation, and it is only after the person has worked through the unconscious issues driving the addiction and come to some level of sobriety from the drug of his acting out behavior that we can begin to see whether he actually has a gay or bi or straight orientation.

This can lead clinicians to be more easily inclined to diagnose us with sex addiction compared to straight men. I have heard from any number of women who are understandably shocked and confused to find out that the man they are seeing or married to has been having sexual experiences with other men.

But this in itself tells us little about the issue of the mans real sexual orientation. When sex addiction therapists see this pattern they often find that there is some history of trauma that is being played out compulsively in the addictive behavior pattern.

It may be that he would be happier having relationships with men, that he is more likely to fall in love with men. The diagnosing gets tricker for gay men.

WeHo Therapist Michael Pezzullo

Their report maps out the concentrations of gay curious men across the United States and Canada showing some interesting results. These are situations in which the relationship had previously seemed like a normal heterosexual one.

As sex addiction therapists we are often unable to answer gay question of orientation until the addiction has been addressed. In some cases the man in question is very addicted to real or virtual experiences of gay sex. In other words assessment will indicate that the behavior and associated fantasies are excessive and.

Many common sexual behaviors in our community, such as cruising locker rooms, visiting bathhouses, and anonymous Grindr hookups, can sound quite similar to the symptoms of sex addiction. The addict who has been repeating childhood trauma with same sex partners may find that in recovery his more integrated and conscious sexual desires fall in a different direction.

Often it is confusing to the man as well who feels he cares for and is addicted attracted to his female partner. Some believe that the fact that the man is having sexual experiences with men indicates the possibility that he is covertly gay and is in need of help to overcome his shame and come out.

Further complicating matters, the predominant sex. In some cases the man in question is very addicted to real or virtual experiences of gay sex. Hence they are powerful and can become a drug. But I believe it is impossible to conclude that a man is or is not gay or bisexual simply based on his acting out sexually with men.

Also that he feels bad about how much it controls him, that there have been negative consequences in his life or relationships, that it has had a pattern of escalating over time and that he has been unable to quit. Or he may find that he truly does prefer his relationship with a woman once he has given up his sexual acting out behavior in recovery.

In most cases, the first question to assess is whether the mans behavior actually is addictive or not. This may not be characterized by the sexual preoccupation, the compulsiveness, the furtiveness and the shame that usually characterize sexually addictive behavior.

In such a case, the man may just be sexually adventurous and interested in any desirable sexual opportunity wherever it presents itself. Addictive sexual behaviors often mirror early memories and are highly charged by urges that come from deeply buried experiences.

Is he just having an occasional encounter with another man when the opportunity presents itself? Straight men who are interested in gay sex are not at all uncommon. In other words assessment will indicate that the behavior and associated fantasies are excessive and preoccupying.

Research conducted by okcupid. I have seen a gay sex addict come to the realization that he may actually be bisexual and so sex. Sometimes it is in the form of actual sexual encounters in various situations and sometimes it is only in the context of cybersex experiences.